Reasons I'll be glad to leave Thailand

The women:  Much is said of Thai women's beauty, supplicatory nature, eagerness to please, etcetera etcetera.  As for their beauty, there is bound to be a couple lookers even in a women's maximum security prison, but the rest will probably be masculine, busted and wore-out hoes who are crazier than a shit-house rat.  The proportions in Thailand are roughly the same.  It's not that I can't appreciate Asian beauty.  On the contrary, I find them to be -- and here I broadly generalize, no pun intended -- more softly feminine and sensuous than their Western counterparts with beautiful, deep black pools for eyes and a wonderful languour about them even when they're working their lovely asses off, which most Asian women -- again in contrast with most, that is, not all, of their Western sisters -- do on a daily basis simply to survive, and modesty is something that they know the meaning of.  Much props.  However, the women in Thailand, due likely to their extended contact with farangs from all nations, have adopted what they take to be the Western standard of beauty and seduction, with horrible results: they use whitening products for their skin which ends up looking like they've been rolled in honey and slapped with flour, they think that grabbing a guy's arm and pulling him towards them constitutes a legitimate claim on his time, and they think that they're sitting on platinum which magically bestows upon them the right to act all kinds of stupid.  Now this assessment, granted, is not applicable to the good girls in Thailand, but the good girls in Thailand are either hidden away, married at 14, Muslim or just generally uninterested in farang men because of our unflattering stereotypical characteristics which are pretty well represented in most of the guy tourists that I've seen operating.  In short, unless you have years to stay here, speak perfect Thai or are incredibly lucky, you probably will not meet a good Thai girl.  And it is more than likely that the Thai girl you do meet at that bar is not a girl at all...

The landscape:  Like a lot, i.e. all, of third-world countries, the Thai people survived solely on local agriculture for a lot longer than the western world and are therefore pretty ignorant of the effects that synthetic products have on the environment.  While you can toss a banana peel just about anywhere and be confident that it won't poison or kill something, the same is not true of an "empty" quart of oil.  Garbage festoons the wilderness here, to a comic/depressing extent in some places, e.g. Phi Phi, and to a lesser and perhaps even more depressing extent in places like Khao Sok which receive a lot less tourists and are much more staunchly "protected" by law and the locals.  It seems that all "protected national lands" means here in Thailand is that you can't build a McDonald's right on the spot, but instead have to move it to just outside the boundary line.  Regardless of the garbage, I've seen a lot prettier places.  The limestone stacks are pretty cool, yeah, but not breathtaking in the way that a panoramic view of the Rockies from on high is.  And the beaches, well, they're beaches without good surf, with too many people and the marine life has nearly all been killed by overfishing and pollution.  And the beaches are supposedly the most stunning part of Thailand.  I remain unstunned.  So, the most I can say about the landscape is, "Eh."   

The language:  At first I found the Thai people's English solecisms and malaprops cute; a menu listed the lobster at 700 baht per kilo, and the "crap" at 500 baht per kilo.  And I was going to have the crap, as well, but not for that price.  The "vermiform appendix", while perfectly spelled, was understandably cheaper.   The place names are also amusing to an English speaker with a somewhat juvenile sense of humor, e.g. "Damrong Rd.": shit, I knew I should've taken a left back there; "Kok Khain": that explains the white dust everywhere; "Bangkok" and "Phuket": do I need to elaborate?  But after a while of listening to Thai being spoken I find it unbeautiful at best.  33% nasal, 33% guttural, 33% whiningly pitched and repetitive, repetitive, repetitive.  It is a language suited neither for poetry nor for song, and to hear it spoken is to want to get away from it.  Most of the time I just block it out, but sometimes, as when I was getting my hair cut by an old Thai woman who kept muttering to herself, I want to run screaming down the street.   

The attitude:  Yes, the Thais smile a lot, and that's because they're dishonest, cunning and mercenary; at best it's because they are obsessed with "face", that is, presenting a good one.  If you think a smile is means the person wearing it is necessarily a pleasant person, then I'd like to move to your planet.  Of course my cynicism doesn't extend to every single Thai I've ever met, only to the majority of them.  Oh yeah, and if you move off of the tourist trail, you're gonna see a lot less smiles and a lot more open hostility.  If you're a farang, you represent a dollar sign and not a potential friend from abroad. 

Paying the farang price:  Cheap?  Comparatively.  You're still being taken for a ride...

Reasons I'll come back to Thailand: